Here I’ll provide brief answers to some of the most common questions I’ve been asked over the years.
Do you ever go back to, or even drive by, Columbine High School? Did your daughters go to school there?
Yes, we have gone back on a few occasions, including to visit the new library when it opened. There have been few other reasons to go there. It’s only two miles away and on a main street, so we do drive by it often.
No, our daughters did not attend Columbine. It would have been far too difficult for us for them to attend there. They attended schools in another school district a few miles away. That was difficult for them, not being able to continue on with kids they knew through elementary and middle school. It’s not that we thought it was a bad or dangerous school–just too many bad memories that would have made it difficult for us.
Did Daniel know the killers?
Not that we know of, and it’s unlikely, given that the killers were seniors and Daniel was a sophomore.
Have you forgiven the killers?
Not an easy question to answer briefly. I provide a longer response in my book. But the short answer is that I simply cannot forgive them for committing mass murder and killing Daniel. But I can forgive them for being two mentally ill kids who saw, in their minds, no way out of their misery.
Did you know any of the Columbine victims’ families before Columbine? Did you get to know them after Columbine or get together as a group?
No, we knew none of them before Columbine. Yes, as pointed out elsewhere, we formed quite a bond in those first two years, as we grieved together and took on the successful effort to tear out the school library and build a new one. Nobody knows what you’ve been through like someone else who’s been through it. We sometimes gathered for holiday events, baby showers, summer picnics, and the like. As time went on, though, after the Columbine Memorial was dedicated we have seldom gathered together as a group.
Did you sue anyone?
No we did not. We felt it would be too painful and drawn out. But we believe suing can be an effective way to get answers that otherwise would have been kept from us and the public.
Some of the parents of the victims filed suit against the home insurance policies of the killers and those who purchased the guns for the killers. In the end, the insurance companies worked out a mediated settlement with the families of nearly all the victims; the settlement covered more than just those who sued, likely to avoid any future legal action. A good portion of the settlement went to the injured students, some of whom have life-long care costs.
Do you have any regrets about becoming an activist?
Sure. First, admittedly I am rather conflict adverse. I would rather avoid or talk my way out of a conflict, if possible. Yet I found myself getting exposed to conversations and debates on a very controversial subject where it is difficult to avoid conflict.
While it was rewarding to become an advocate in Daniel’s name, it was difficult to become a public person during the grieving process. I was a fairly private person, so it was difficult to suddenly have people recognize me on the street. Some people may see you in a positive and thankful way, but for many you’re ‘that poor dad whose son was murdered.’ In fact, in the early years I noticed that I tended to avoid prolonged eye contact with people in my nearby community, for fear of getting that second glance that says, ‘that poor dad’ or ‘he’s that gun control guy.’ It was much easier to be more anonymous. When we had to give our name for a waiting list at a restaurant, we would use a different last name.
Worse yet, as mentioned elsewhere, it has not been pleasant to deal with the nasty mail and taunting of certain gun rights activists. You’d think that as a dad who’s faced tragedy you’d be dealing with a gentler world, but there is an element in the gun rights movement that is rude, vulgar and even hateful—some of the worst people I’ve come across in my life. I think they resented the fact I was making ordinary people realize that gun violence could happen to anyone. They said things like, “You’re not the only one to lose a child,” or “You’re dancing on your dead son’s grave to take away my gun rights.”
Why do you blame guns–an inanimate object–for your son’s death? Why don’t you blame the real killers?
This is a common question I get mostly from gun rights activists. I do hold the killers responsible for my Daniel’s death. What I have said, though, is that many factors played a role, including easy access to guns, lax gun laws and a lax social attitude towards guns. Other factors included poor parental oversight, bullying, the failure of many to understand the signals sent out by the killers, the impersonality of a very large school, the incivility of our society, and the American individualism that tends to deter us from intervening in the lives of troubled people. I have spoken of those factors, but I address the gun issue in particular because of Daniel’s words to me about gun law loopholes just before he was killed.
Daniel Mauser Memorial Website 